I’d say I come from a pretty complicated family. I would avoid talking about anybody other than my sisters. Mom parted us when I was at a very tender age, and that left me so vulnerable. Recent self discoveries made me realize how weak i am when it comes to certain things. And, how putting up a strong front in front of people make me mentally tired, perhaps make me even weaker in handling emotions. Stay strong even in tough times, something that I promise my mom but I never really fulfill.
Blame it on exam stress, or maybe the bad experience I’m having right now with this relationship, I feel extremely emotional lately. Teardrops stream down my face so easily and the stream would sustain for such a long time. I feel embarrassed not being able to hold back my tears, not being able to face setbacks and criticisms. Then again, the word “blame”… Are they just excuses that I cock up with to cover up my vulnerable soul.
Times like these make me fall back to mom. Each time it happens, I look back and get reminded of the promise to stay strong. It is ironic indefinitely, because I only get reminded of this everytime I fall. And, it doesn’t help if this is recurring every once in a while. All the more I feel ashamed to speak of this promise. While, people pray to God or other deities, I only look up to Mom. Because Mom knows me and only wishes the best for me. Praying is such a hopeful thing, and I only pray that Mom is watching me and answering my prayers. Mom, such a kin, will always be the only one that I can truely relate to and believe in.